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Anger: finding healing from the hurt

My silence conveyed it all to him. 

We once could lock eyes across the room and guess what each other was thinking, but now I could barely look him in the eyes or talk to him.

I didn’t want to have a broken marriage, but I felt like I couldn’t let go of my anger. 

Feeling deeply hurt and bewildered about having to make an unwanted change in our lives, I never envisioned that our circumstances would turn out the way they did and bring us to this place. 

My hurt quickly turned to anger. I was trying to hold on to some control. I didn’t want to come to terms with the season we had been in coming to a close. 

In my lack of understanding—and unfulfilled hopes and dreams—I couldn’t help but feel angry. 

I didn’t realize that I was hurting the man I loved and I was, in turn, fracturing the bond we made as I projected all my anger and pain on him. 

We were one before God; but in my anger I was severing that bond. Holding onto my anger had created a division between us.

Nevertheless, Jesus in his kindness and love for me was working on my heart, showing me that the circumstances were not my husband’s fault. 

My anger was misplaced; Jesus was calling me to surrender it to him, as well as my hurt and pain, so that I could then experience his peace in the unexpected change. 

Still, at times it felt easier to be enraged than to accept that I was deeply hurt. 

Have you ever felt angry because you were hurt and in pain? If so, you are not alone. 

In my journey to let go of my rage to Jesus, I learned how anger is a natural emotion—but it’s your choice on how you handle it. 

In your hurt, you can be angry… but you don’t have to stay in that anger. 

If you don’t deal with these feelings, you can cause pain and hurt to others. It’s not good for you either, to hold on to fury. 

How you deal with your anger, and how you process it, can either lead to sin or to healing from the hurt. 

God’s word is the ultimate source of wisdom to teach you how to handle your anger and to experience great healing from your hurt.  

Finding Understanding 

Angry feelings can come when you are hurt. It can be a response to the hurt, like it was for me. 

When you are hurt and grieved by a circumstance that you have no control over, you can feel angry. 

It’s normal and natural to experience angry feelings, but allowing them to grow will reap havoc on others who you love. 

It’s so important to understand and process your hurt instead of jumping to rage. 

You can read this truth in Proverbs 14:29 (NIV): “Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.” 

You need to be patient in order to understand and not immediately get angry. This will allow you to figure things out. 

You can go to God’s word, or you can pray to rest in who he is. When your anger grows, it leads to sin and hurting others, not to mention yourself. 

It’s not wise to do this, but it is wise to think and process.

We can find understanding by going to Jesus with our hurt. Even if we don’t get the answer to why something is happening, we can trust that he is good and has the best for us in all things. 

God is a good father who loves you and has the best for you. Find understanding in him, and don’t react right away in rage. You can instead pray right away in those hard times and moments. 

The anger will subside as he meets us with his love. He is love.  

Releasing anger in a timely manner

We all get angry from time to time when we are hurt… but how long you stay angry is your choice. 

You don’t have to stay angry, and you really shouldn’t. 

In Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV) it says: “‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” 

The longer you stay in anger, the more likely you are to sin. It’s best to go right away to Jesus with your angry feelings and don’t let them linger. This cuts off the enemy’s access to you.

The more you keep anger inside; the more you decide not to share it with Jesus, to allow him to take it from you; the greater chance that you cause others hurt and pain. 

We have a choice—whether we will let it stay with us for a long time or go to Jesus with it.

How you deal with your anger, and how you process it, can either lead to sin or to healing from the hurt.

We need to be mindful that it’s important to deal with it promptly, as this really helps us to heal and be healthy people who love others well, as Jesus calls us to be. 

If you are experiencing a big life change or anything that is hurtful, angry feelings can come. 

Set aside some intentional times in prayer to God and pour out your heart to him. 

Circumstances might not change, but he promises us peace. You can accept things when you know who he is—and being in prayer can really allow you to see this.

Reading his word also can help set you on a path to knowing how much you are loved by him, and that others in the bible have been where you have been: experiencing a hard trial, and Jesus brought them out of it. 

Honoring Jesus

As children of God, we always want to honor him and represent him well. 

James 1:19-20 (NIV) talks more about how to accomplish this:My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”

All of us are called to listen promptly and not respond right away in anger. 

You can instead acknowledge your anger and go to Jesus and his Word; listening to his teachings and words of comfort instead of responding in rage. 

Letting your anger grow and overtake you does not please God or allow you to walk in an upstanding manner. 

Others see how you live your life. The example you set can bring them to Jesus, as you show them who he is, and demonstrate his love and his power to meet you in your hurt. 

We need to understand that walking in our anger doesn’t show others how to live for Jesus. Living in rage doesn’t show others Jesus’ love. 

We need to renew our mind with this truth; it will then allow us to not jump the gun to being so angry and letting our anger dominate our actions and words. 

Honor Jesus by taking a step back and receiving guidance from the Spirit. Reflect on this verse so you can learn how you should respond in your anger. Pray that the Holy Spirit will guide you to live more like Jesus in this manner. 

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I would love to hear from you, friend. How have you learned to deal with your anger when you are hurt?

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2 Responses

  1. Nikki, the timing of your post is unbelievable. On different levels. So from God! My soul is hearing this!
    Love you my friend. Keep sharing Christ’s love. You have such a gifting.

    1. Marta, I am so happy to hear the post was so helpful. Praise Jesus. He is so good. All glory to him. Thank you, love you too, and thankful for you and your encouragements.

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Nikki Evanson

Hi, I'm Nikki

My goal is to help and equip Christian women like you to live for Jesus by following Matthew 22:37-39: to love God and love people, and within this we need to learn how to love ourselves as God does.

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