My doubts and insecurities in my identity were leading me to feel trapped and causing me to think I could not change.
I didn’t think I could trust God to change my mindset, even if I asked him. I thought this change would be too hard, and would bring me on a journey that was worse then what I had experienced in the first place to bring me to where I was.
I felt a sense of hopelessness in my own skin and life. Have you ever felt that way? It’s hard to look at yourself and your life with this mindset. It’s defeating and debilitating.
My doubts of who I was and my insecurities were weighing me down and making me believe lies about who I was and about who God was in my life.
I inevitably prayed those dreaded words to God with a heart full of surrender: “God, change this within me; I am a mess and I need you to change me.” My heart wanted change and this led me to God.
Deuteronomy 30:6 (NIV) tells us “The Lord your God will circumcise your hearts and the hearts of your descendants, so that you may love him with all your heart and with all your soul, and live.”
The truth was that if I wanted to change, my heart needed to be changed — and only he can bring about that change. Coming with a humble heart before him was the first step I needed to take for change.
He was bringing about a process in me with that prayer to change my heart. To see myself the way he does, so I wouldn’t have doubts or insecurities in who I was, but have a secure heart posture of being his child, which is enough. This would bring security in him and no doubts in my mind.
That prayer brought me into a season of trusting God to work within me; trusting that his ways were good for me and trusting his heart for me.
He wants to change our hearts in ways that bring us into the truth of how much we are loved by him, and then we in turn can love him more. That love settles the doubts and insecurities because it allows us to receive from him and see the way he does without hesitation.
He wants to shift our hearts into a posture of knowing that change for him is good and it brings us into places of deeper devotion to him and opens us up to his love more. You just need to let him do the work and trust that he is changing you after you open your heart to him.
Knowing his love for us—and the power of it—changes us. When I prayed that prayer, my heart was believing a lie that his love within me wasn’t enough to change the doubts and insecurities I had about who I thought I was, or who I really was as a child of God.
My circumstances in that season didn’t change by that prayer, but the posture of my heart did. He changed my heart to know that I can trust him for change and that it was good and was possible for me.
I was loved enough to be changed by him and seen by him.
If you want to change something in your life or something about yourself, but think it’s impossible, think again — because with God it’s possible.
He loves you, and wants you not to suffer in doubt and insecurity about who you are, but live life with a changed heart knowing how much you are loved.
Open your heart up to knowing that you can trust God to change you in a loving way… and in a deep, gentle way that will in turn impact generations to come.