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Overcoming hurt in friendships

When a Friend Hurts You Deeply

Have you ever been deeply hurt by a friend? Maybe they were not there for you when you needed them the most; they didn’t keep their promise to you; or they lied to you.

When a friend hurts you deeply, it’s life shattering. It can feel like you are all alone with nowhere to turn to for help.

But Jesus is there for you. He is your friend and he wants to comfort you and help you. He wants you to pour out your heart to him so he can be the listening ear you need. He weeps with you and will mend your heart in your hurt. 

When you know you have a friend in Jesus you can get over the deep hurt you experienced. He will be with you every step of the way. 

What to Do When a Good Friend Hurts You?

It’s so painful when a friend hurts you. It’s hard to know what to do, but Jesus is with you. 

He was deeply hurt by his good friends Judas and Peter. He understands what you are going through. He is the perfect friend; going to him with everything in prayer will bring you the comfort you need. He will not let you down. 

As you do this, it will then give you the ability to have a sound mind and not act on your emotions. It’ll help you know what you should do next. Ask him for guidance on what to do. 

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.” (Psalm 32:8, NIV) 

Maybe you are questioning “is it worth telling a friend they hurt you?” Or wondering “how do you tell a friend they hurt you?” Jesus will lead you, help you and guide you. 

You have a friend in Jesus—he wants to show you this as you go to him, so when you are hurt you don’t have to stay that way. Maybe you need to speak with them and be honest with them about how they hurt you. Jesus will show you when you go to him. This is the best thing to do when a good friend hurts you.

When a Friend Hurts You Deeply

How Do You Get Over Hurt in a Friendship?

Now that you know what to do when you are hurt by a friend, it’s time to work toward getting over the hurt in your friendship. This can take time and can be a process. 

Give yourself grace when you need it. Keep pouring out your feelings and heart to Jesus. This is not an easy thing to walk through, but Jesus is your friend and is with you. 

When a best friend hurts you, it can take longer—or when a Christian friend hurts you too, because your expectations might be higher. 

Moving forward, as you heal, it’s good to have realistic expectations in friendships. We are all imperfect people and being hurt by a friend will happen at some point in our lives; and we will hurt a friend in return as well.

But you can trust Jesus, as he is the perfect friend. Thus, you need to ask yourself, “should I forgive a friend who hurt me?” 

Though it can feel really hard to do, you will need to forgive this friend. Forgiving a friend who hurt you is the best for you and will let you move forward in this friendship. 

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32, NIV) 

Jesus shows you this. He didn’t let the hurt overcome him, or stay with him. He chose to forgive, and so can you. He will help you do it. Give him all your hurt and pain so you can forgive and get over the hurt in this friendship. 

Ephesians 4:32

When a Friend Hurts You Deeply

When a friend hurts you deeply, Jesus will get you through it. Knowing he is your friend will allow you to find comfort (even in the hardest moments) to get over the hurt. 

As you do this, you will be able to proclaim “Jesus is my friend” with confidence, enabling you to love him more, as well as yourself and others, following the greatest commandment. 

When a friend hurts you deeply, remember these 5 verses to show you what type of friend Jesus is so you will go to him. You have a friend in Jesus who is here for you. He wants you to share your heart with him and he will always be by your side. As you walk with him, you can get over this hurt. 

1. Jesus Is Always With You

When a friend hurts you deeply, remember that Jesus is a friend who is always with you. 

“One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24 NIV) 

Jesus will never leave you, no matter what. He is always with you and you can count on him to be by your side through thick and thin. He will never abandon you.

2. Jesus Always Listens to You

When you are hurt in friendship, know Jesus always hears you. He is always available to listen. 

“Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.” (Isaiah 65:24, NIV) 

He always hears your needs and wants. He hears your cries and listens intentionally. He is never too busy and wants you to come to him with your hurt and pain, whenever. You can say with confidence “I have a friend in Jesus”—and he always listens.

Isaiah 65:24

3. Jesus Is With You in Your Broken Heart

Feeling hurt by a friend leaves you with a broken heart. Jesus understands your hurt and is close to you in your pain. 

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18, NIV) 

He is grieving with you, weeping with you, and with you in it all. He understands and will never forsake you. Jesus can mend your broken heart to get over this hurt. That is who he is: a healer. 

4. Jesus Loves You Unconditionally

In your hurt you can feel like no one cares and that you are unloved, but Jesus is a friend who loves you unconditionally. He cares for you more than anyone and sees you during this difficult time. There is nothing that could make him stop loving you. 

“This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” (1 John 4:10, NIV) 

When a friend hurts you deeply, know Jesus loves you and cares. His love for you is unconditional. 

5. Jesus Is Trustworthy

In the deep hurt by your friend, you can feel like you can’t trust anyone… but Jesus is a trustworthy friend. 

“Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does.” (Psalm 145:13, NIV) 

He never breaks his promises and would never lie to you. He will always come through for you and is with you. Trust him and go to him in your pain. 

When a friend hurts you deeply, remember that you have a friend in Jesus. He will get you through your hurt and sorrow. You can see that Jesus is the best friend to have by recalling these 5 verses. Friendship is a gift and you have this gift in him, always. 

Go to Jesus with your hurt. He will comfort you and allow you to forgive in order to restore your friendship, if that is the best thing for you.

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3 Responses

  1. Such a beautiful tribute towards looking to Jesus when the world around hurts us and others. This was a beautiful reminder to look to Christ instead of our emotions. Thank you for this sweet piece!

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Nikki Evanson

Hi, I'm Nikki

My goal is to help and equip Christians like you to live for Jesus by following Matthew 22:37-39: to love God and love people, and within this we need to learn how to love ourselves as God does.

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